Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I'm Dying- I'm also a hypochondriac

  I don't like going to medical unless it's absolutely necessary- such as an annual check up because I always think I'm dying.  I  Goweki search (research/study via google Web MD and wikipedia) what's going on with me and I'm 100% convinced I'm in dire need of getting my will in order. 
Once I have found the sentence "COULD be an underlying _______ problem" I hear little me inside my head saying
                -"Yup, you have an underlying liver and kidney problem, brace yourself for your next Dr appointment, and while you're at it go ahead and try making that triple layer cake you always said you would, finish the scrapbook you started, take more pictures of yourself having fun with your son so he won't forget you and tell your husband you love him, but if he moves on too soon you'll hang around to haunt him."-
 
  For instance, when I was pregnant with my son I developed Cholestasis, which is a liver disease onset by pregnancy.  The Internet said it could be an underlying liver problem.  I shrugged it off considering the monster and I were perfectly healthy- except for him being about 5 and half weeks early and me having a fever during labor, we were great.  So when a few months ago (after I stopped breast feeding and my body knew it wasn't supplying anything internally anymore for the boy) I started getting extremely sick when eating any kind of gluten, and if I had anything spicy or any kind of alcohol within a 24 hour period of eating bread and the like, well I could forget about retaining those nutrients! So I made an appointment which meant I had to make another appointment with the gastroentorologist to get my blood drawn- he also informed me I was slightly anemic- and then wait a month for my next appointment.
  So during that time, off I went on my little Goweki research party and found that celiac disease (which is the disease of being allergic to gluten thus having to alter your eating lifestyle) can also be caused by an underlying kidney problem.  SO of course there it was in plain sight.  In a very stretched-over-analytical-worrisome plain sight, I had underlying diseases laying dormant in my body for so long and were just then coming to take over my body and take my life from me. It was a horrible couple of weeks.
  I finally get back to the hospital, where the doctor seemed too busy to see me and said all my blood and liver levels were just fine, and I probably had heartburn.  He then received a call and when he was done asked if I had any questions, when I said no he showed me the direction from which I came and he was gone. I was fine, I was going to live...but that's according to this man.

I don't trust 'em! Any of em!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

No longer Heads or Tails

I have used the trusty coin flip to make some pretty major life decisions. I use it to help me make the decision I really want to make, you know, if it lands on heads and I didnt really want heads I knew tails was the way to go the whole time and vice versa.  For example, when I was going through college I just couldn't do it anymore and told my self on the way to class one day as I pulled a quarter out of my pocket "Heads, I join the Marine Corps. Tails, I stick with college and home and see where it goes."  Well, one look of the honorable Mr. George Washington and 5 1/2 years later here I am, a sergeant of Marines and pretty happy about it.  However, I don't think that's going to work now.
I'm coming to a fork in my career path in which I must make a pretty big decision again, but it's too big to make with the flip of a coin this time, especially since I have two major componants in my life that are deciding factors of every decison I make. The Sgt and The Boy.  Should I ask for orders up north where I have a bigger chance of FINALLY being deployed? Or do as I ask to just go down the road where the opportunity is still there but not as great? 
Before The Boy came along I had never deployed, but always wanted to and tried every chance I could while stationed over seas, now that he's here all I want to do is hang out with him and wacth him grow and learn and not miss a single moment of his life. Hell, just four months before he was born I re-enlisted with a happy heart- thinking I wouldn't be changing my mind about wanting to deploy. The minute they put him in my arms though, I was done. I was madly in love with someone I JUST met and all I could think about was how I would never leave him- crap, I just signed up for four more years of people in higher positions than me telling me where I will be going.
Then there's the Sgt.  This man has vowed to stick by my side and support me in whatever endevor I choose, but he might be getting out and going into a job that will take him away from us for a good amount of time before we can really settle down and my decision of where I go will affect our family life and goals we sat down and talked about months ago.  Do I try to stick as close as possible or just throw caution to the wind and go up north and hope things just work out?!

I'm not just myself anymore. I'm a wife in a young marriage still trying to get use to each other and see what works for us. I'm a mom to a nine-month-old and it's kind of a full time gig.  I'm like a grown-up now and I have a bunch of crap to consider before making choices, I think I'll just go take a nap.